Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Hope ( not the Obama kind)

I'm exhausted. I shouldn't be, but I am wasted and I'm getting two cold sores, and yesterday I drove away from the gas station with the pump still in my car. Waiting for a miracle is tiring business. I really have a lot of hope invested in this acupuncture treatment and I think I am constantly on edge. Looking for something. Trying to detect a change in seizures. Is he looking at things more, or am I imagining it? Is he stronger, or is he just having a good day?

Have you ever driven by a church and seen that slogan. " Expect a miracle"? Well, I do. I know Oskars miracle is out there if I can just find it. Every single day I wake up and think " maybe he won't have seizures today". It wears me out, but I don't know any other way to be. I can't give up, or I wouldn't be able to get through the day.

So I will wear lipstick to cover the shankers and double check the gas pump and try to get some sleep and and carry on.


Anonymous said...

just dont put lipstick on the gas pump by mistake

Anonymous said...

I know you will carry on -- you are a strong lady -- Im glad you will always carry a form of HOPE and of course, LOVE for Oskie -- it sounds like a good lifeline...
and of course some good old fashioned rest helps too...sweet dreams!