Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Dem bones

For all of you out there keeping track of Oskie's bone age, it is now 15 months! Yeah! When we had it checked about hmmmmm, 9 months ago, it was only 6 months, so something got him kick started again. The one thing I feel bad about is that apparently I missed his bone age birthday. If I'd only known. What do you get bones for a gift? 

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Occupation Homemaker

I've had to fill out some forms lately over the phone. Medical information, phone numbers, occupation.... I always take a minute to answer this one. I'm still technically a writer, even though I haven't actually been employed as one in 3 years. Inevitably, in their rush to get the forms completed, they suggest an answer for me..."Homemaker?". Then there is a REALLY long pause as I grapple with my answer to that question. I usually just agree, as it seems the most expeditious thing to do, but I really, really don't like it. I think it has to do with the wording of it. HOMEMAKER. It sound like I am either in construction, or I subscribe to some Martha Stewart emboldened cult wherein it is my duty and joy to make my house a home. 'Cause that's what I do. I embroider doilies and bake cookies and hang draperies. I pat fluffy pillows and set up candleabras with my own handmade beeswax candles. (The honey, of course,  I have harvested myself earlier that summer.) I wonder who came up with that name anyway. Was it a way to re-vamp housewife? Cause that one is pretty bad too. "This is my housewife... the one I keep at home to do domestic things." Do you also get to have car wife and a work wife? Homemaker is not much of an improvement, I must say. So I am proposing some new titles based on what I really do all day. How about "Head medical supervisor and youth coordinator"? or "Chief financial officer, head of purchasing and distribution, food clothes, medicine and time outs"? There's gotta be something better than Homemaker. I think from now on, when asked to fill out these forms, I will just put "Emperor, 5228 Kellogg Ave." 

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

new age gobbelty-gook?

Oskie and I had foot baths today. You put your feet in a tub of clean water with a coil of copper attached to this machine that has a flow of positive and then negative ions ( or maybe it's the other way 'round) and it supposedly pulls toxins like heavy metals and crap out of your body. See if you can guess which water is mine. I may have to stop eating uranium. Oskar thought it was a blast and kicked and splashed and got us both soaking wet. A bunch of crap came out of his feet too. I can't say I feel any different, but it sure looks impressive. 

Ode to Minnesota

Here is a poem Max wrote this week: 

If you're not from Minnesota
You don't know winter
You can't know winter
Freezing cold winters
So cold that it stings your fingers
Anything wet will freeze in a sec
10 degree weather 24/7
If you're not from Minnesota
You don't know winter